Chapter 19: Peeking

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August 15, 2023: “Holland has started eating on her own.”
This post was sent out in the afternoon. At that time, Jiang Ying was in a group meeting at the academy. During the break, she received a video from the doctor. In the video, Holland, who had lost her teeth due to stomatitis, was slowly licking her prescribed canned food.
Holland beginning to eat independently was incredibly good news. The long-lost happiness suddenly sprouted in Jiang Ying’s heart like a small tender shoot breaking through the soil.
It was also at this moment that the last flight from Beijing to New York had already departed that day. After sending this Weibo post, Jiang Ying instinctively looked up at the sky outside the window.
Lu Zhixi had already left Beijing, and from now on, perhaps they would never see each other again.
Jiang Ying tried to delete everything about Lu Zhixi from her secondary account, but she hadn’t realized she had posted so many details about him. Deleting them was not only difficult, but even seeing them was painful, so she decided to use the secondary account as a record of Holland’s treatment.
The doctors and nurses at the animal hospital had formed a group chat, updating Holland’s health status daily. Jiang Ying posted five to six updates a day on her secondary account, pushing all thoughts of Lu Zhixi aside in one go.
“Holland’s stool is starting to take shape.”
“Holland can now roll over and beg for pets.”
“Sharing: Wishing Holland a speedy recovery, let all pain and illness vanish!”
...
A heartbreak is like falling ill, slowly recovering like unwinding silk threads. Jiang Ying and Holland were like fellow sufferers. Seeing Holland improve day by day seemed to restore Jiang Ying’s own strength little by little, helping her gradually return to everyday life.
With the new semester approaching, the interview for the Sino-American joint master’s and doctoral training program Jiang Ying applied for was also near.
The academic pressure had a strange healing effect during her heartbreak. When she threw herself wholeheartedly into her studies, she soon realized she barely had time to feel sad. During these days, besides helping Professor Lin with experimental data, she devoted all her remaining time to preparing for this crucial interview.
The interview for the master’s and doctoral training program was conducted entirely in English, with professors from various specialties in the Psychology Department at Huada University participating. Ivy League professors from the United States also joined remotely.
Each candidate’s interview lasted an hour, starting with randomly selected questions from a question bank to answer on the spot and then answering professors’ queries. Candidates then had to give a detailed account of their research experience and its significance. All research projects the candidates had participated in were submitted to the interview panel beforehand, and they could expect rigorous questioning.
The most challenging part was the third section. Candidates had to present their future research interests so professors could assess whether they fit the program’s training direction. Without a genuine understanding and passion for cutting-edge psychological research, candidates would be easily seen through in this part.
Jiang Ying had been preparing since summer, referring to past interview materials. However, this year the question bank had increased in size. Upon seeing the requirements published, the only thought in her mind was:
Difficult! Difficult! So difficult it’s like climbing to the heavens!
During this time, she unfailingly woke up early with Zhou Anning, moving back and forth between the academy library, cafeteria, and dormitory. As the interview day drew closer, she lost a noticeable amount of weight.
The day before the interview, Jiang Ying was so nervous she could hardly eat, barely even feeling hunger.
“I feel like my brain is stuffed full of profound knowledge,” she solemnly told Zhou Anning.
Zhou Anning peeled a banana and said, “Do you know what I heard standing beside you?”
“What?”
Zhou Anning said, “Your stomach yelling: Save me! Save me!”
Then she shoved the banana into Jiang Ying’s mouth and added, “Now your stomach is yelling: Thank you, Zhou Anning! Thank you, Zhou Anning!”
On the morning of the interview day, under Zhou Anning’s supervision, Jiang Ying barely managed to drink a bowl of porridge. By the time it ended around noon, she felt as though she had finished a long marathon, utterly exhausted, supporting herself against the academy’s walls as she walked out.

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Perhaps because she had eaten too little in the morning, as she walked slowly back to the dormitory, her vision darkened, her body tingled, and she fainted right by the roadside.
By coincidence, Qi Zhou happened to be passing by.
He immediately carried her back to the dorm and then told Lu Zhixi about the incident.
That evening, she unexpectedly received a WeChat message from Lu Zhixi after a long time.
“I heard you had low blood sugar today. If you’re not eating well at school, you can live in the apartment. I’ll arrange a caretaker for you.”
They had not unfriended or blocked each other.
To truly end a relationship, there was no need for any blocking or deleting; they just had to stop talking. They hadn’t spoken for over a month.
Jiang Ying thought Lu Zhixi was only being polite and reached out because Qi Zhou had mentioned the matter to him.
“No need, thank you,” she replied simply.
Perhaps because Lu Zhixi suddenly messaged her, Jiang Ying thought she would relax and sleep well after the interview, but that night she had a very long dream.
A dream about Lu Zhixi.
At times, she returned to the days when they were together. She nervously told the version of Lu Zhixi in the dream, “I had a nightmare that we broke up. I was terrified, but thankfully it was just a dream.” Lu Zhixi smiled, pinched her cheek, held her tight, and said, “But we really did break up, Yingying.”
Then she dreamed of a road with zebra crossings. On the opposite side, a red light forbade crossing. Lu Zhixi stood by that traffic light while she stood on this side, watching helplessly as he walked away.
After many fragmented flashbacks faded, she found herself anxiously walking through a vast crowd, as if chasing someone. But there were too many people; she couldn’t find him and even forgot who she was looking for.
These fragmented dreams fell on her heart like shards of broken glass, causing her already numb heart to ache again.
She woke the next day pale and utterly drained.
“If Freud or Jung were here, they’d tell you this means you’re about to emerge from this! The darkest hour is just before dawn. Jiang Ying, hang in there! You are Dr. Jiang with a bright future ahead! The youngest and most beautiful professor in Huada University’s Psychology Department!”
Zhou Anning spoke with conviction.
When Jiang Ying mentioned the application, she sighed deeply, “Don’t mention it. The interview for this program has a very low pass rate. If I fail, I won’t know what to do next.”
To pursue an academic career and later work at top universities in China, having a valuable overseas doctoral degree was essential. Her father had spent more time sober than drunk in recent years, and the family’s savings had been spent on his rehabilitation. Jiang Ying could only rely on scholarships to study in the U.S. This program’s low acceptance rate was not only because of the institution’s prestige but also because it offered successful students rare research opportunities and full scholarships.
One step smooth, every step smooth. One step wrong, and everything becomes more difficult.
“You will pass. Your first breakthrough is to conquer your crush. Your crush has already ‘committed suicide’ to cheer you on before you even make it. Love may be rocky, but your academics will flourish!”
Zhou Anning came up behind her and massaged her shoulders. “Don’t think about it before the results come out. Didn’t you say you’re having dinner with a childhood friend returning from abroad the day after tomorrow? Cheer up and go looking your best.”
Mentioning this, Jiang Ying sighed again, her voice faintly breaking.
“All my nice clothes are still at Lu Zhixi’s apartment. I left in such a hurry that day, I didn’t pack anything.”
“How many pieces?”
“More than ten, plus lots of books...”

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“You have to get them, but I’m busy with application essays these days and can’t go with you. Did you arrange to meet that childhood friend in Chaoyang District? Have him accompany you. Don’t go alone—it’s bad luck.”
*
Meng Shao returned to China last week. First, he went back to his hometown in Chengdu, then flew to Beijing, where he rented a place near Liangmaqiao, preparing to set up his studio.
As soon as he arrived in Beijing, he asked Jiang Ying to meet for a meal, but she was busy preparing for the interview, so they agreed to meet after it. Meanwhile, Meng Shao visited the Reclining Buddha Temple in Beijing’s Western Hills.
“I prayed for you there. Reclining Buddha, give me an offer!”
Meng Shao was always into quirky things since childhood. If he didn’t believe in those supernatural things, he wouldn’t bother praying. But if he did believe, his prayers were never quite conventional.
Jiang Ying would never forget one weekend in elementary school when Meng Shao suddenly lost his mind and burned all his father’s offerings meant for tomb-sweeping on the family’s God of Wealth statue, then knelt in front of it and sincerely made three wishes:
“Make me rich.”
“I want to get very rich.”
“I want little Chongchong, the unlucky one, to always have food.”
The result was thick smoke billowing from the house, neighbors calling the fire department, and his father coming home to scold him fiercely, then asking Jiang Ying if she was scared.
Jiang Ying didn’t dare say anything—she was the one lighting the fire on Meng Shao’s command.
They arranged to eat at a Chengdu hotpot restaurant hidden in Wudaoying Hutong. Next to the hotpot place was a pet shop. Jiang Ying arrived early and wandered inside the pet store.
She was standing before a glass case, staring wide-eyed at a tiny kitten, when suddenly someone lightly tapped her head from behind.
Startled, Jiang Ying turned around and saw a tall young man with a trendy look and a buzz cut.
He had single eyelids, a high nose bridge, large bright eyes, and a smile full of youthful vigor and spirit.
“Meng Shao!”
Meng Shao smiled, “Not bad, Chongzi has grown—now you’re up to my chest.”
After saying this, he frowned, “Have you lost weight? Not eating well at school?”
“I haven’t had much appetite while reviewing lately. Today, I’m definitely going to eat a big meal.”
Jiang Ying looked him up and down with delight. “As for you, artists are really different. You’re so handsome now, looking like you know exactly how to fool women.”
As soon as she said this, Meng Shao grabbed her head.
“What’s wrong with you? Who taught you to say things like that?”
It had been a long time since Jiang Ying and Meng Shao last met. After he went to the UK, he had been incredibly busy, always tinkering with something, never mentioning it to her. Yet despite the time apart, there was no awkwardness between them. Laughing and joking, they entered the hotpot restaurant together.